Resilience: The Ultimate Path to Success
What is success? And what is one of the main qualities of a successful individual?
An individual can only become successful by trying until they succeed, on the other hand, unsuccessful people give up their attempts. That's the only difference, really. For example, the product or service you advertise and try to get people to invest in may not be good enough for them. Is that the end of the story? For a person who chooses to give up, it is. A successful person, on the other hand, will keep on trying.
What does this story look like for a traumatized individual? Mostly in the unsuccessful pattern… and, unfortunately, traumatized people stay in the cycle of these once-created scenarios of failure or pain, whether physical or emotional. For people recovering from narcissistic parents or partners, there is an additional layer to it.
“You will never succeed! Don’t even try! It’s not safe! Don’t make a mistake - you will be punished! What if you fail?”
Not sure about you, but these are the motivational drivers I have heard from a very young age. It was everywhere - at school, at home, in the crowd of people. Everyone was just so afraid to take action and make a mistake. But I learned that without making a practical mistake, we don’t learn.
Have you heard the same?
Has somebody tried to keep you so safe that you become so small?
For instance, you don’t dream about a BIG house because “a more rational approach is to know what you can have and imagine a small house you can afford”? So safe that you stopped even dreaming aboutbeing bigger than you are - a rockstar of your dreams and a crowd, because “a very safe and rational way of forecasting career success is by utilizing your skills that the market requires so that you can get paid”?
Are you so safe that you ended up living in a small, tiny box of safety that is slowly starting to suffocate you?
Well, I know how it feels. And firsthand, I will tell you that it took me a while to remember that my original goal was happiness, exploring, and experiencing life, not safety. (Spoiler: we are all going to die anyway.)
And just like my PT once said to me, answering my question of whether it’s better to stop exercising altogether to keep myself safer? He said: there hasn’t been a single case on this planet where a person kept himself safe and stood at home preserving his knees and bones from damage, and now years later he is the healthiest person on earth. It doesn’t work this way. What a lesson, right?
Let me tell you, safety is a tricky thing. You will feel very satisfied for a while - that feeling of “I am normal, I am doing everything right. I am a good boy/girl” - until you become another sad face in a crowd of a “grown and rational person” that knows dreams are for children and you can’t eat them for breakfast. These people stick to low-paying jobs that they don’t love, planning on a relatively good life - small houses in suburbs, saving money to get their kids to college. These people don’t dream even in their heads - dreaming equals to something irrational and foolish, you see. Some people live like this all their lives, being super small and incredibly happy in their own sense. Sometimes they glance at their past, regretting those fantastic leaps of faith into things they once desired and dreamt they could have tried to bring to life, but then they just disregard it as silly things to think about. Especially for traumatized people, living in a small world that they can control and predict seems like a very good thing to do.
But despite everything that happened to you in your life, my question is: WHO ARE YOU DEEP INSIDE?
Perhaps life obstacles and circumstances changed you a lot, and the person you are within and in reality are two opposites. Perhaps your traumas come as flashbacks in the daytime and nightmares at night. Perhaps you are deeply scared inside to try anything - it doesn’t matter. Who are you deep within? Feel into that person.
Do you feel you are smart and capable? If you don’t see that in reality or in the mirror, it does not mean it doesn’t exist. This reality exists within you, this fantasy - is YOU. You are fantasizing about things you could have actually become. No, it's not some foolish pictures that randomly got into your head.
Things you dream about and especially desire - means you have the fuel to achieve it. I promise you that.
It will take time, effort, and faith that’s for sure.
That’s why success is only for those who are willing to make those mistakes and keep on trying, despite the messages and scenarios they received in their upbringing, despite the trauma they experienced. You might need a lot of help and support depending on the things you have encountered in life - this I am telling you from a personal example. It took a lot of therapy and coaching to get me healed, restored, strengthened, and supported. It is another story I will tell next time.
For now, let’s start with basics.
You will get what you want - the life that you want, the career that you want - if:
You are brave enough to desire and dream again.
You are brave enough to keep on trying until you succeed.
So what is success?
The answer is: resilience. The resilience to try again, again, and again.
Let that sink in.